In marriage, more than any other relationship, patience is a daily necessity toward building deeper intimacy.
Without patience, intimacy slowly erodes
And while we find inordinate amounts of patience daily to deal with our clients, coworkers, children, or friends, our spouse often receives our leftovers.
Scripture provides a great deal of wisdom on this topic.
- “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2).
- “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness” (Galatians 5:22).
- “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12).
- “Love is patient and kind.Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude” (1 Corinthians 13:4).
There are two areas in marriage where I notice a lack of patience shines through frequently: communication and household tasks.
The more I observe women, I see our innate desire for details patience is a daily necessity toward building deeper intimacy, and understanding in our world. When I witness a wife ask her husband about his day or how he feels, and he responds with “fine” or “good,” the full meaning behind his words does not compute. More details are required.
Husbands, if you respond with a deep heavy sigh or a short, irritated response as your wife tries to understand you, this erodes love and connection. A sure-fire way for a husband to destroy intimacy is to show impatience and irritability because his wife is seeking more information. Remember, filling in the details demonstrates your wife’s desire to build intimacy with you.
Wives, you’re not off the hook. When your husband makes a concerted effort to help, it’s important to say, “Thank you” or “I appreciate you.” If you correct his efforts based on unreasonable standards of perfection, you send the message he is incapable and unnecessary. He’s unlikely to accept constructive suggestions and refuse to help in the future, thereby destroying the intimacy you crave. Remember, different does not mean wrong. Praise your husband—and he will go to the ends of the earth for you.
In my life, I found praying for patience costs me something. But God offers me something in return . . . change.
Patience is the companion of wisdom. — St. Augustine
Copyright © 2016 Sheri Mueller, Growthtrac Ministries
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Sheri Mueller
Sheri Mueller is an LCPC who earned her M.A. in Professional Counseling from Olivet Nazarene University. A certified facilitator and trainer for PREPARE/ENRICH, Sheri has worked for more than 15 years to help individuals, premarital couples, and married couples build and maintain healthy relationships. An Adjunct Professor at Judson University and author of numerous articles and a regular column, Mentor Minute, Sheri, with her husband, Jim, founded Growthtrac Ministries. Check-out Sheri's book, "I Want Him to Want Me: How to Respond When Your Husband Doesn’t Want Sex "
